Over & Done With #26: Crushing

1.3k words on Jun 25, 2017.

Ms. Giraud’s son thinks she should be in a nursing home. Also, he seems to be a douchebag.

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Andy and Alicja had been one month on the road, finding alleys in which they could play, benches to rest their sore legs, cheap coats and blankets when the wind came down on the cities they traveled through.

They had gone through those cities like beads on a necklace, first to Valencia like they had planned, then off to Barcelona just a week later. That was a longer trip and a city not to be missed. Andy had missed his chance to keep going south for now, but he was learning a lot. Who knew playing everyday to an audience would be so rewarding. Not only financially, because the end of the year was coming. But the street was teaching him lessons, in a much different way that he had been taught at a young age. Those were lessons in trust. Lessons in kindness. Andy learned much.

There were times where he was able to let go of the tedious mechanics of playing an instrument and simply enjoy expressing himself through sound. Those moments were few and far apart, but nowadays he was able to sing and add a simple chord to it without much difficulty. It wasn’t skill, but his voice made up for it. Together with Alicja, they made a decent income whenever they went. They had a few original songs from the girl and a dozen covers, but it was enough for a set. They usually played all their songs except a few, took a long break, sometimes even changing location, then played them all again in a different orders. They had good fun.

With Christmas around the corner, came more people on the streets, but also more bands playing. Crowds stretched out on boulevards and got shredded around street corners. Buskers were everywhere, playing holidays-themed music, wearing Santa hats, selling merchandise. They got tired of it quickly. Who wanted to perform surrounded by a million people shopping for stuff they wouldn’t use? Thankfully, the additional crowd meant more money, so once they got the cash, they decided to take the rest of the winter holidays as a vacation. Jokes aside, their gig already felt like a regular job, given how easily they had slipped into this ‘duet mode’.

Maybe it came from the way he had been for the longest time with Josh and now he worked better with a partner, thought Andy. Soon, though, he realized something weird was going on. Alicja most likely had a crush on him.

Andy wasn’t used to things like that. His grim personality and the kind of people he hung out with kept romance at bay. He was rather happy with it. As a result, he couldn’t remember having any kind of relationship going beyond the ‘working friendship’ they had with Josh. Maybe there was that time in grade school when a girl his age had started stalking him on breaks. She just stood there, looking at him while he tried to ignore her. One day, creeped out more than usual, he kicked her in the leg and she ran away crying. No, really, apart from that early episode, his love life had been pleasantly empty. Why did it have to happen now?

He had a hard time getting a clue at first. Alicja just got gradually nicer, to the point where she would most likely agree when he suggested something, even if she didn’t like it. That was embarrassing. Andy felt sorry for the both of them every time he had to go fishing for her self-respect. Well, she was young, so maybe that was it. She would also smile more, sometimes blush and stare more often than not. The stares were what gave her away, because it reminded him of his childhood stalker.

Alicja also started to try getting physically close to Andy, which irked him at the highest level, no matter how much he respected her as a person. One evening, as they were both playing, she rested her head against his knee. He got up and went to the bathroom, shivering with unease. It didn’t really show on his face, as usual, but his feelings were pretty strong on the subject. He knew he couldn’t let that situation continue much longer. One of those days, she would try to get the jump on him and he would react like a hit man does. He had to be brave and talk to her.

He finally worked up the courage to talk to her about it one evening, as they were about to go to sleep in the car. He knew she had turned around in the darkness and was staying at his shadow. He felt like he was gonna have nightmares about it. It was more than time to straighten things out. Maybe she wasn’t crushing on him and it was all in his mind? That would be the best option.

“Alicja?” he said. “Are you still awake?” He knew perfectly well that she was, but it was the polite thing to do.

“Uh, yeah, I am,” she said, a bit taken aback. Andy wasn’t really into small talk, usually.

He cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you, because there’s something that has been bothering me for a little while…”

Alicja swallowed hard. Shit, he was giving her false hopes. How was one supposed to turn someone down without making a bit deal out of it?

“So, hm,” he said, “I have a feeling lately that you have been expecting… something more from me than being a fellow traveler and musician. I wanna address that, I don’t know if I am mistaken or not, but that’s the feeling I get.”

There was a moment of silence,. Alicja was trying to compose herself. “Well,” she finally said, “what if there is something more? Is it bad or good?”

Andy ran a hand through his hair. Damn it. “Not very good. I’m not really into having more than friends. But you’re very nice, you make a good friend, honestly.”

“A good friend,” she said. Naturally, she sounded bitter. “Am I not attractive to you?”

“Oh no,” said Andy, “don’t worry about it, you’re really beautiful, honestly.”

“Is it my personality, or because I’m too young?” said Alicja. She was getting a bit desperate. Why was it that everyone wanted to get in her pants except the one person she liked? “You’re don’t like girls like me?”

Andy sighed. “It’s not about you, I’m just… not attracted that way in general. I can’t remember ever having a crush on someone, or something like that. Maybe I’m not emotional enough to work that way.”

Alicja was surprised. “You’ve never been attracted to anyone?”

“Nope,” said Andy. He was happy the words were getting through. He just hoped they wouldn’t do too much damage.

“There’s a word for that, isn’t it,” she said. “What was it… asexual? You’re asexual, then.”

“I don’t know,” said Andy. This was turning into an analysis of his thoughts and behaviors. He wasn’t sure he liked it. “That’s weird, you make it look like I have some sort of illness. I just like being on my own, or with other people but not in a touchy-feely way.”

Alicja’s shadow nodded. “Yeah, from what I remember, that’s sort of ‘asexual’ stands for. I’d have to check, though.” She paused for a while, then groaned. “Just my luck! Why did I have to fall for someone who doesn’t do relationships? Am I doomed or what?”

“I’m pretty sure you can find someone great in no time,” said Andy. “Charm them with your songs!”

Alicja turned around, away from him. “Shut up, old man,” she said, half-joking. “You’re not allowed to comfort me.”

That made Andy laugh. “Good night, then,” he said.

“Yeah,” she said, grumpy, but strangely relieved. “Good night.”

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