Over & Done With #7: Makeovers

1.19k words on Feb 12, 2017.

Andy and Spanky are on the run. Where should they go from here?

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They got coffee first thing in the morning. There was a coffee lounge at the end of a shopping mall, with a terrace and tacky faux-leather seats. The coffee was surprisingly not bad.

Spanky was still a bit out of it. It was 11 a.m. but he had been driving all night. He was feeling the thirties. Andy directed the topic of conversation towards an unavoidable question.

“So,” he said, “where do you think we should be going, Spanky?”

“Hm.” Spanky shook himself awake. “I think I would enjoy Spain. That’s what I’ve been thinking about. What about you?”

The cocktail shot Andy had asked for was served and he drank it, bottoms up, next to the coffee.

“Spain… Why not,” said Andy. “Honestly, I’m asking you because I have no idea. I might like visiting Venice again or Berlin but as for a place to settle down for a while, I just can’t picture it.”

“Well I’m not sure of anything,” said Spanky. “I have no idea if Spain is a clever move or a dumb one but it feels good, on a gut level.”

Andy shrugged. “Let’s go for it, then. We’ll worry about being clever over there.”

He had relaxed since yesterday. No apparent sign that they were being followed, no phone call. He had toured the parking lot early this morning, to check out if the other cars really were empty. He was starting to get used to it. Had they not started that way, asleep in a car on a deserted parking lot?

“OK then,” said Spanky, feeling all pumped up from his partner’s validation, “next we’re gonna have to take care of the costumes.”


“Not that I want to rain on your parade, but I thought we were here for supplies and cash retrieval, not disguises,” said Andy.

They were touring the shopping mall, walking in great strides, Spanky leading the way. He looked avidly at everything, ice-cream stand and luggage store, men’s underwear, beauty parlor, but he wasn’t stopping.

“Of course we have to think about it,” said Spanky. “You know how it goes: you escape for a while, then 10 years after, someone is there showing a picture around and they all say: ‘Hey, it’s old Pete!’” He looked at Andy, all grim and proper with his funeral suit and inexpressive face. “Plus,” he said, “and I’m sorry about saying it that way but are practically advertising our shady past.”

“Right,” said Andy, giving up. “I leave that part in your hands.”

Soon they were trying on a bit of everything at a discount clothing store located right across the mall. After asking for Andy’s size, Spanky swirled across the alleys and filled his arms with clothes in every style and color he could find. He pushed Andy towards the changing rooms.

“Mix’n’match,” he said. “Don’t be afraid, try them on, find something you like.”

Spanky repeated the operation for his pile of clothes and entered the next changing room.

Andy and Spanky soon emerged. Andy was wearing a green jumper and reddish corduroy trousers. His oval head was buried in a beige hunting cap.

“No,” said Spanky immediately, “no, OK, that’s really unsettling. You look like my dad. Try something less fishing trip?”

Spanky himself was clad in beige and brown denim overalls. He wore a silky blue shirt and a large red scarf made of cotton. He looked a bit like if someone had themed him with Brokeback Mountain in mind. Andy didn’t say a thing and just went back to change.

After a few more attempts, Spanky settled on a look that implied 20-ish art student, with many bold choices and bright colors, while Andy went for a selection of shorts and shirts that screamed British tourist. That was spot on anyway and probably a good disguise.

While they were waiting in the cashier’s line, Spanky exposed the next steps of his ambitious plan. He was planning on growing a mustache, and suggested that Andy could just grow his hair to match his new bucket hat and sunglasses. Then he said they should change names.

“I mean, you’re not gonna look like an Andy for much longer and you can’t keep calling me Spanky forever,” he said. “It’s a dead giveaway.”

Andy was trying hard not to smile now. It was difficult to keep a straight face at Spanky’s little spy game.

“I could call you Dylan,” he said. “It’s not like anyone has called you that in years.”

Spanky shook his head, unsatisfied. “No, we need something… untraceable.” He looked at himself, thinking back on what he saw in the changing room’s mirrors. “Don’t I look like a Joshua?”

“Sure, Spanky, why not,” said Andy, unconvinced. “You should hurry up, the cashier’s waiting.”

Spanky got his debit card out, looked at the amount and winced.

“What’s up,” said Andy, “I hope money’s not getting tight on your side already.”

“Instead of tight,” said Spanky, “you should ask me how deep in the red it’s gone.”

That caused Andy to stop in his tracks, shocked. “What?” he said loudly. He composed himself before the people in the mall got free listening. “What do you mean, in the red?”

“Well,” said Spanky, “I’ve never been much of a keeper, you know? And there were preparations, I didn’t have much time to sell back my new convertible — that baby is like two month old — and… I had to pay to get the van remade. Ain’t that something?”

“Damn, Spanky,” said Andy, infuriated. “Did you intend on mooching off me until we get to Spain? Because I hate to tell you, no way. I didn’t get the gang’s leeches off my back to get you instead.”

“Of course I’m not gonna do that,” said Spanky, nervous. “Don’t get mad, OK? I know what I’m doing. I still have some bucks I can get from my bank account before it refuses to let me withdraw, I mean, we’re burning bridges anyway, right? And as soon as we get settled anywhere for a while I’ll get a job an get even. Between what I’m gonna withdraw now and your part from the van, we’ll be in Spain before I’m short on cash. It will be all right.”

“You should have told me before we started this, Spanky,” said Andy. He was still quite mad. “I can’t believe you don’t have even a little on the side. Man, in the time we’ve been working together, I’ve piled up cash without even trying. Just how fast do you burn money?”

“Usually, if I have it, I use it,” said Spanky, embarrassed. “That’s what it’s for. But I got it, I do. I’ll be careful now, not to spend on stupid things and all. I’m sorry.”

Andy spent some time thinking. They were still standing in the middle of the mall, shopping bag full of distasteful clothes in hands.

“OK,” said Andy, tired. “I’m gonna grab some necessities at the supermarket, you can go back to the van.”

He went away more stiff and grim than usual, leaving Spanky to deal with the bags.

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